Written by: Profossgbg
Before starting a session, there are a few things to consider.
Do you know the person? If not, try to get some information through social media or some other way. Did you meet for a coffee once, maybe twice? Are there limits, and have you discussed them? Will a safe word apply? Is everyone aware of the need to land after the session?
In BDSM there are a couple of different security theories and practices, and wise men and women are constantly discussing which would be the best.
There are two common security theories:
SSC (Safe, sane and consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)
If you want, these two can provide the guidelines but our strongest recommendation for a safe session would be to use common sense, use empathy and use communication.
The term safe bdsm-session refers not only to the acts performed during the session itself.
An extremely important aspect is to be safe with the person you are having a session with otherwise as well.
From the submisives perspective:
If you don’t know the person well, who is he/she?
Can you find mutual acquaintances?
Is he/she on social networks such as Facebook or Darkside or some other?
There really are some inappropriate people out there, so we recommend that you meet up a couple of times in a public location. Most of the time you can see through a less appropriate person after meeting at a cafe once or twice. Be clear about your limits before a session.
The first time you meet up for a session with a new person it can be very good to have a safe call, a friend you can call to at a certain time, or she/he will call you to check up on you.
From the Dominants perspective:
Actually everything above applies to you as well, but we also want to give you an example as a warning.
A person who after a night of drinking was supposed to have sex with another, but nothing happened. The two of them were in the other person’s apartment for a short while.
The next day the resident of the apartment finds him/herself arrested for rape and unlawful imprisonment.
The report was entirely a figment of imagination and the person filing the report later confessed to being mentally unwell, got mixed up in lies and a friend had urged him/her to file a report with the police.
Everything came to light but not until a person was held in custody for 20 days. Everything was investigated and an innocent person was set free. Our point is, to please save the email conversation and the list of kinks of the person you’re meeting. The risk is one in a million that it will needed but in this instance you risk prison for something that was supposed to be a nice experience.
Another thing, it is very inappropriate to combine drinking/drugs and BDSM, so please, don’t.
Diseases
Not a fun chapter, but still an important one to be aware of.
There are many sexually transmitted diseases. Be aware of the risks. And until otherwise agreed, use a condom.
Anally there are an awful lot of fun you can have.
Playing with anal, there are a lot of fun things to do, but replace the condom if you have been in the butt and then continue elsewhere. If you use your fingers, use a latex or vinyl glove, you can use one even vaginally.
Using your tongue can be cosy, yes, but it shouldn’t be in the butt, as simple as that.
The only exception is if you use a cover for licking. For more information about the issue of safe sex in general, we recommend: RFSU.
And – one can easily create a dominant feeling when you gently pull on the glove, turning a clinical approach to something erotic.
Edge Play
There is something called edgeplay that means to be involved in a session that treads on the edge of what can be considered safe. It can include such practices as cutting someone with a knife, use electricity or exercise breathplay. As a dominant is your damn duty to think ahead, especially if there is a risk of permanent damage. If you do that, we are not saying that you shouldn’t engage in such sessions.
As a submissive, if you involve in such practices, make sure the dominant knows what he/she is doing and has a high awareness of safety. Even if it’s not fatal you could end up with lifelong damage, or with scars that ten years ahead aren’t that fun to have.
Photography
Photography is a common interest among BDSM practitioners. Who takes the pictures? Who owns the photos? Same thing as with a scar, what do you want to see in ten years? Nothing ever disappears from the Internet.
Frames and safe words
By the word Limit we mean the limits of the session, the activities that are agreed on and to what degree or how hard. A safe word is a word that puts a stop, temporarily or completely, to a session when something isn’t good for the recipient of a practice. Is the session and the practices within the limits of the submissive? If you don’t know each other very well, check the limits. As a dominant you can relax more and the risk of something going wrong is reduced dramatically.
Some submisives find it hard to use a safe word, that’s not good a safe word is important for the safety of a submissive, but also for the enjoyment of the dominant. If, as a dominant, you are sure that the submissive will let you know if something goes wrong then it will be easier to relax and enjoy the moment, even if you can’t let go of control completely. If the submissive is unable to talk it’s important to create another way of communication so that the dominant can perceive a safe word.
You can set your own safe words but traditionally yellow and Red are used.
Yellow meaning that something is getting close to the limit, and that you need to take it easy, slow down, or maybe you need toilet break. Yellow means you need a temporary break, and that the session can continue after the dominant has understood and taken care of what the submissive needed.
Red means stop, and that the session needs to stop immediately.
Maybe it’s too much mentally or physically, or maybe something is wrong, so terminate the play. Talk about what happened so that nothing feels wrong or that there is no misunderstanding An event such as that can deepen a relationship and turn something negative into something positive, if you talk about it