Written by: Profossgbg
I am sitting in a small town having a coffee and talking with my friend. It strikes me that this man is really a calm one but, I see his shift to the more dominant side of him. A talent that is handy both within BDSM and his work as a police man.
How long ago did you become aware of your interest regarding BDSM?
Probably about 20 some years ago, realised that I had missed something in my life and in the relationship I then was in. I felt that I felt god and got turned on by being sexually dominant also realising a sexual sadist part of me.
For some, it takes quite a while going from fantasies to irl experience of BDSM, how was that for you?
It took about ten years to actually experience BDSM since my current partner back then did not have any interest in BDSM.
Have you ever felt shame regarding your interest in BDSM?
No shame, but I have never felt a need to be totally open about BDSM, mainly because of my children.
Can you say two things that you fell is central regarding BDSM?
Be sensitive towards your partner and a bow all ells, communicate.
Would you tell some about your specific orientation, dom/sub and if there are any especially important things for you in a session?
I am dominant and a sadist but what is really important to me is that my partner has confidence in me and that I can rest assure in here using a safe word if necessary.
You are a policeman, apparently, you had to force yourself into an apartment where it turned out to be a BDSM session instead of what thought to be a domestic disturbance?
Yea, it was a late Friday night when I and my colleague got an alert about a domestic disturbance. Nabors had made the call thinking a woman was being assaulted and according to the caller she was screaming loudly.
When we got in to the flat after forcing the door, we went to the room from where the screams came from. Looking into the room we saw a naked woman tied to the bed. A man stood with his back towards us and with a whip in his hand he was hitting the woman. Neither of them had realised that they had a visit from the police. My colleague were quite upset since what he saw was a woman beeing battered by the man while I saw what was really happening. The man seem rather chocked and turned he began to explain what we had seen. But we did as we always do regarding domestic disputes, we separate them and talk with the individuals in different rooms. My colleague spoke with the man and I spoke with the woman. Ashamed, she told me what was going on and that were no abuse of any kind. So I explained some regarding noise in apartments and thereafter we left the flat.
My colleague had a hard time forgetting about the incident and talked a long time after about how sick he thought he they were. I tried talking with him regarding them as just ordinary people who has a sex game but I don’t think it fell well with him.
Not as a sexually dominant man but as a police man, what do you think is especially important for one who is interested in BDSM?
I think it is important to have an open mind and not to be negative regarding something or someone before you know what it actually is that you are reacting towards and why people do as they do. To be tolerant and not to condemn any one because of a sexual orientation or other things that I may do not know so much about.
Does any of your colleges know about your sexual orientation and how open have you chosen to be?
Some of my colleges know about it, I answer when asked but do not display it.
Within the police department, is there any information to be had regarding BDSM in a case like you and your colleagues?
No, not to my knowledge, there have been some about HBTQ, once, during my 35 years as a police man.
Have you heard of others who had similar experiences with a BDSM session?
Yea, some, but they have stopped when the doorbell rang. And from time to time someone needs help since they can’t find the key to the hand cuffs.
There has been some trials regarding BDSM mentioned in media, any thoughts regarding that?
I tend not to put so much in to what media is writing since I know that they can slant articles, one should not judge if one only heard one side of a story. As media also tend to enlarge thing quiet often.
A common problem in a BDSM relationship, especially if one been together for a long time, is stagnancy. Any recommendations to avoid that?
Again, communication is vital. You need to understand and accept that in a relationship, thing tend to vary in intensity and not to see it as a problem when such a period happens. The key is to talk and together find solutions to what you want to change. One needs to be open to try new things and try to be a bit more spontaneous.
I also think that getting to a BDSM event, to meet other people who is into BDSM and talk to them can help when things feels stale.
You and partner, how did you meet, when did you began to go to BDSM events, can tell us some about that change from only at home sessions?
Well, I got to know my partner by Darkside (Swedish webpage and community about among other things BDSM) we began speaking online but only after a couple of day we had a dinner. During the dinner, we talked about what we like and what we do not like and before long we tried at home. Soon after that we went to a BDSM event and have been going to events round and about in Sweden since then. We have also been to a number of BDSM cams as well. Having BDSM sessions at home always meant a lot of planning since we have children but also learned to use a moment when it occurs.