Written by: Profossgbg
Have fun – don’t make it too complicated: We list a lot of do and do not, have this in mind and other warnings. One might think that our view is that you need to follow many rules – we don’t. As long as all are happy one can do very much whatever comes to mind. But we who write have made so many mistakes one easily do, and tell you about it. Use your common sense and take on board what is right for you.
Fantasy becomes reality – It is not a race: If one has a sexual orientation towards BDSM and suddenly gets to make the experience in real life, it’s common to get very focused on making many and intense experienced in a short time. But the feelings one experience are deep and strong, more than two have gotten burned by too much too soon, often with the wrong person. We do not say that you should not, just to be sure that the person respect you and your frames. Is there a frame? Do you know the person? Have you been talking about safety words and landing? If several ”no”, see to that it becomes yes before the next step so that you’ll have a fantastic journey together instead of feeling bad in hindsight.
To communicate: Here is an absolute cornerstone regarding relations in general but especially regarding BDSM. If one ponders about what one would like to experience and talks with one partner(s) continuously, amazing things can be experienced. Not least, talk what one does not want to experience. We mention a lot of things but can’t enough stress that communication is one of the keys to success.
Safety words are used to momentarily or to end the session (read-full stop/yellow – a momentarily stop: Safe words are important for the safety of the submissive but it is also vital for pleasure of the dominant. If a dominant feels curtain that the submissive will use a safe work when needed, even if one fully relax, one can relax more and with it comes a bigger pleasure. If the submissive is restricted from speaking, one shall have a substitute by wish the submissive can signal that something is wrong. We recommend the general safety words read and yellow. Yellow means that something is momentarily wrong, blood flow, bathroom break or maybe the level of pain at the moment is to intense – you stop and see to the problem and carry on. Read means that something is truly wrong. You. End the session full stop, see to the problem and talk about it as soon as possible.
The use of a safety word doesn’t mean that any one done wrong and are to blame. But it is vital to talk about what happened regardless. And just like a dominant needs to practice with tools a submissive should practice to use safety words.
Get the blood pumping – first: To practice the part of BDSM that regards physical pain without this is like driving a car without oil, it can be done but is a bad idea from get go and it can be costly. Partly psychologically but mainly physically the submissive needs the stimuli from a staggering level of pain to give substances like endorphin time to be felt in body and mind regardless how the dominant choose to give it.
To mentally descend: Both the physical and psychological parts of BDSM sets a lot of fillings and substances in motion. The stimuli can be so strong that it feels like you are high so it absolutely vital that you do not leave your partner without ensuring that everyone’s mind and bodies are back to normal state. It is not uncommon to cry, to laugh, to get chilled, very warm or numb after a session one needs time to come down from the experience. Be aware of that a feeling, can be illogical, can strait up or after a day. So make sure that your partner(s) are ok after a day or so to. And don’t think that this only apply to submissive, it is equally important for a submissive to see to that a dominant feels well after a session even if it takes some time for the submissive to do that it shall be done after every single session.
It can be very strong and sensitive experiences so listen, hug and make sure that all is well with all participators.
Frames – for you and for me: Frames is about knowing what can and what should not happen. For instance if a specific tool can be used or if some sort of penetration is allowed during the session. Within the frames, the dominant can be dictator or whatever but to step over some ones frame is to something wrong against the person. Frames are still just guide lines, the dominant must ongoing read the submisives reactions because things can change from day to day and one should never just assume.
Frames can really be about anything, but we recommend that you use a check list (list of kinks) to help you with frames.
Sub’s safe list (list of kinks) the treasure map to pleasure: The sub’s list is a great tool to clarify common interests and to avoid things that can cause problems. By a check list it is a lot easier to see where frames should be since one tend to forget things in a tense situation like when talking about a possible session or a beginning of a relationship. The lists can be very detailed but we say rather more than less information.
Power exchange: Within BDSM there is almost always an exchange of power, Sure, one can be totally happy with ”just” beeing giver or recipient. But when we talk about power exchange we mean that somebody choose for a period of time to give ones sexual and maybe other rights to the dominant part. It really is a trust wish the submissive gives and the dominant need to acknowledge and administer the given trust. The period of time, well it is up to the participators but can vary from a very brief moment to 24/7.
Around you: It is common to use symbolic attributes to enhance the feelings one wants to create or enforce. Only your imagination sets boundaries in what and how to use it.
Within the subculture are there some common symbols, a necklace is maybe the most common for the submissive. In a bdsm relationship often the submissive wears a necklace with a padlock given by the dominant as a symbol of their relationship and to show that the submissive are spoken for or as some prefer to say, beeing owned by the dominant. The symbol of the necklace I often very important and may include a set of rules that are agreed upon. The necklace has for some an equal importance of a wedding ring.
Other attributes can be old-fashioned clothing for the dominant or that submissive simple do not get to where anything. The setting for a session can also enhance the feelings, a stool in the middle of a room can set one kind of atmosphere.
BDSM without sex or the opposite is like a favoured meal, but without spices….
BDSM is something that one can enhance sex with, but it is not necessary….
BDSM is something that really isn’t related to sex, or at least it is very uncommon.
All claims are absolutely correct since it can only be you who decide what is right for you.
Is our mantra getting throe…..? What becomes, becomes by your choice.