Bondage

By: Hedwig [www.senseshibari.com] Translated by purple_madness

Rope is something that has become more and more popular over the last few years, where many people are highly interested in Japanese inspired rope-bondage called shibari or kinbaku. The main focus of this text will be to introduce some of the ways to relate to rope, useful safety measures and where you can turn to learn more regarding rope-bondage. It will not in any way be a complete guide or even a step-by-step manual. This text is meant for everyone, whether you want to bind someone or be bound yourself, no matter your relationship to or passion for rope. You will also notice there is a switch behind this keyboard.

There are as many different ways to relate to rope as there are individuals who enjoy it. For some it is strictly connected to dominance and submission or sadism and masochism, where the one who is bound is submissive or masochistic and the one who is binding is dominant or sadistic. As with all forms of role-play, it is based on the urges and desires of those involved. What feels important for me in my own role-playing experience is that rope houses such a multitude of choices, which means that I can either do self-bondage or order a submissive partner to bind me as a service. To discover that multitude and the possibilities connected to rope is what have intrigued me so much, in combination with the possibilities of interaction. One thing does not exclude the other. To bind or to be bound can give you an experience in itself, regardless of which role you identify with. So, my first advice to you is: don´t be afraid to try new things.

I am often asked why I chose rope. In most cases some sort of handcuffs or even a voice telling me to lie still would be both quicker and easier to listen to, than tying knots and complex bindings that feel more complicated. I really enjoy handcuffs and verbal commands, but there is flexibility with rope that makes me come back to them over and over again. For me, rope is what connects me to another person, even if I don´t bind them. It is a link, where the connection goes through the rope, like threads binding us together. I can easily feel my partners hand on my arm, but if that touch is made by rope instead, the feeling lingers even if the hand is removed.

The motivation and the role-playing patterns are extremely wide when it comes to rope. For some the main focus is the end result, for example when someone is bound tightly enough that all involved can enjoy sex the way they want to, or to bind or be bound with decorative knots to create or feel like a work of art. For others the main focus is the process itself, where the journey is the actual goal and the ropes are like a musical instrument or a brush making strokes of paint; to build, create and reveal. It can also be a challenge for the body and mind, or to learn a new craft, a dance or an acrobatic challenge. What guides your motivation and perspective is your passion and curiosity, which is where you should start if you want to learn more about rope. If you want to use decorative knots, you should not start with binding aimed for exposure for “sexy times”. None of the above is more right that the other. What is right for you and your partners is the way to go. The most important thing is to find a rope-partner who is on the same page as you. There are beautiful knots that also fit your sexy times.

What feelings does rope bring out in you? Have you been attracted watching someone being bound and why have you felt that attraction? How does that relate to other role-playing experiences or curiosities? This is where your journey with rope starts! But remember, your interests, curiosity and focus can change over time. This is completely normal.

So, where can you meet other people who are interested in rope? How do you start a conversation about rope? If you have already met the people you are interested in, there are several ways to do this. It can sometimes be tempting with the element of surprise; to pull out a piece of rope out of nowhere and hope for a reaction resulting in sexy times. Personally I would strongly advise against the element of surprise; all involved deserves the time and chance to give their informed consent. Make it as easy as possible in the beginning and focus on your partner. If one of you feels insecure, that person deserves to have that feeling respected. To give someone space to contemplate what you already know you really want, that is one of many ways to build trust. If you read this and feel uncertain about rope; it´s okay. If you have questions in need of being answered, ask them and don´t rush in order to get the answers you need to make a decision.

Where else? There are many groups on www.darkside.se involving rope. I recommend you start there, read articles and try to interact with other people in these forums, see if there is a local rope group that you can join to learn more. In these groups you can practice together, get inspiration, pointers and new perspective, regardless of your position. You may experience that most of the information available on rope is directed to the one doing the binding. This is something we are trying to correct and by talking to others being bound, you can get perspective on several important aspects. There are online videos you can learn from, as well as books. A lot of them deal with very specific techniques and I would strongly advise you to take it slow and to remember that this is not something you can learn only by studying it in a book. This is a high risk activity that takes time to master.

When it comes to safety and security, we often think about the physical elements. It is equally important to talk about boundaries, urges and mutual ideas about what kind of binding that will take place. This is a big part of building that safety and security that you and your partners need. Boundaries and urges are emotional as well as physical. In the survey below we will focus more on what is important in the interpersonal meeting, rather than rope techniques. The second part will refer to the practical side of rope-bondage. The most important thing to remember is that you can always change your mind if you feel uncomfortable. If someone pressures or manipulates you into doing something you don´t want to, they are not worthy of your time. Your safety, regardless of position, is always the main focus.

Apart from a conversation regarding your common ideas and motivations, following aspects are good to consider. This is not written in stone, but something you will need to adjust for you and your partner/s to feel comfortable in your interaction. Just remember that the information from these conversations creates an image for the person being bound as well as for the person binding, of what is possible, where the boundaries are and possible risk factors. What is also important to remember is to not just talk about what you don´t want, but to include the things you are excited about and want to try out. For example: “I have very strong legs and I like to have my sense of balance tested”.

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

This category is as much about shape of the day as your previous health status. Do you have any old injuries? Are you too flexible or to stiff? Do you have diabetes, epilepsy, low blood pressure and risk of fainting? Heart problems, previous nerve damage, rheumatism? Do you wear Contact lenses? These are important issues, both for the one being bound as well as for the person binding. What safety measures are desirable if sexual contact is to take place?

BOUNDARIES

What type of contact or touch is ok? Communicate this as specifically as possible. Ask if something is unclear. If sex is involved, what kind of activity is included? This category also refers to emotional and psychological boundaries. Which emotions/actions/words can trigger a negative response? How do we want our after care to be?

COMMUNICATION

How do we communicate? In BDSM we usually practice safe words. In my own rope-practice I only use it if necessary in the current environment; otherwise I use direct communication to convey any problems. Since rope can be a risk factor, it is more important to receive information in a direct way if a rope is pulled to tight or the person being bound feels dizzy. However, if any of the participants have a problem with verbal communication, you may have to find a different way. Communication is about more than verbal communication, it is also about being attentive on body language or physical safe words determined in advance. When a person experiences rope/sub space, they may have a tendency of becoming nonverbal; this is something you should discuss beforehand.

Communication and consent are two things constantly ongoing in any BDSM interaction. If you try to keep your communication direct and constructive before, during and after rope activity, it makes it easier for all involved. Do not be afraid to share if something feels weird or uncomfortable.

THE BODY AND ROPE

When we practice rope-bondage there are a few things to consider concerning safety measures. Or actually, that´s an understatement. There are quite many things to consider. The fundamental rule is that the more incapacitated the person being bound is, the bigger the responsibility for the person binding. If you are practicing rope-play at home, you should always have some sort of cutting tool available as well. You should avoid scissors or knives; focus on something that is safer to use, for example blunt medical scissors for cutting bandages.  If you find yourself in a situation where you have to cut the rope, try to do it as strategically as possible, only cutting where the main problem is.

The knots you use on different parts of the body works best and are safest if they are isolated, so that they don´t become tighter when you pull the rope. Avoid tying knots on the body’s joints and instead focus on places with a lot of muscles. Make sure it´s not too tight around wrists and try to avoid the throat.  The person being bound should never be left unattended, nor do we leave someone with their hands tied standing up without support. If you are being bound it is important to remember to breathe with your stomach, in slow and deep breaths if possible, and to not stand or lie down with tense or strained muscles. Your blood pressure may drop, especially if the rope increases the pressure on your chest.

Obstructed blood circulation is known to be the biggest risk factor in rope-bondage, but not on a short term basis. It may however mask approaching nerve damage, which is much more common. Nerve damage can mean loss of motor and/or sensory function. It can also be capricious and thus it is good to have common knowledge of your nerve-paths. This infographic is a good start when it comes to information on nerve-paths and is also an apt procedure if damage should ever occur.

http://placedescordes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/PDC-nerve-damage-en.pdf

Make it a game to find the different nerve-paths and how they feel on your body. If you are a person who likes to be bound it´s important to remember how the ropes feel on your body; try to open and close a fist and move your thumb around. These are the parts usually affected when the nerve-paths have been disrupted.

What is important to remember is that all partners involved have a common responsibility to know their own body as well as each other’s. Rope-bondage will never be a risk free activity, this is something we need to acknowledge and adjust to in every role-playing situation. We do this by learning as much as possible and by viewing each rope interaction as a partner focused interaction, regardless your own position. You can listen through the ropes; you can dance, laugh out loud, and discover new things about yourself and others that were previously unchartered territory. You can get horny, laugh out loud and scream with pain and effort. You can sweat and challenge. Create, tear down and fight. Bind others, bind yourself or bind with together with others. It can be sexy if you want it to be. It is, yet again, why I always come back to my precious ropes. You can embrace and be embraced in so many different ways.