Written by: Freja translated by: Profossgbg
To practice BDSM with children in the family involves a lot of planning, and sometimes very spontaneous occasions. But, clearly, it works better than many may think. One can complicate life, or choose to find the solutions.
I myself am who is the author a mother to a today 20 years old daughter and married to her father. I am submissive and my husband is dominant. We didn’t know what BDSM was when we had our child, but thankfully found it and we do have we an amazing life together. To become friends with BDSM was absolutely incredible and exciting. But, then this that we have children. How do you do it?
Nah, we cannot practise this in front of the child. So clearly it becomes a puzzle. Small glances and words which none other than we ourselves could interpret. Once my husband returned home from work when I was standing in the living room and the daughter and her friend were in her room where the door was closed. He comes to me and tells me to get on my knees. There after he tells me that I should swirl around, standing on my knees. When this is done he tells me to stand again, he turns on heel and walks away. Talk about a great feeling within me. That such a small thing could be so important in my head.
Then there was a baby sitting service and will gladly travel to the parties that contained BDSM. We could even have dinner at home with friends from within this world. Then we could go all out since our daughter was away with family and/or friends. Clear that everyday life was the large part of our life and then we were more or less just vanilla.
Then comes the day when the daughter gets old enough to talk about sex and stuff like that. I chose to talk about vanilla sex and security. To start ones sex life with BDSM, some may have a done that, but I do think to find within the vanilla sex is probably tricky enough. I thought that there will come a day when the subject of BDSM perhaps will arise and then I can reply.
We have always found it easy to talk about everything between heaven and earth. We also talk easily about this with sex. None of us are interested in the other’s details so we stick to simple facts. We have a mutual respect. In addition, we have really fun together, the same type of humour, and it simplifies things.
My daughter has had an interest in horses during an early period of here youth. This cooled down, however, during the latter part of adolescence. One day she comes to me and asks me if I know where her riding crop is. I say that I don’t have a clue. She continues by saying to me that the last time she saw it, hung it on the hooks in our bedroom. Ops, I thought at the time. But she took no further notice of it but accepted that it did not hang in there any longer.
In these situations I could feel that maybe I should try more to hide things. But then I came to think of that myself at that age knew exactly what was in my parents ‘ cabinets and drawers. Most likely she knew as much about our cabinets and drawers that I knew about my parents. The difference was just that it was different things there.
We live in the Stockholm area, but travel many times per year, to Gothenburg to meet with friends in BDSM community. Now the friendship has become so strong so we hang out even outside of BDSM events. My daughter has met many of these wonderful people. The day came when she asked the question of what kind of parties we are going to down in Gothenburg. She was just over 17 years and certainly curious for she had her hunches. I then asked her if she knew what BDSM is. She looked at me with a look that said she knew more than I about such things. When she then says ok, then I don’t need to hear more with a smile, so she set the level of how much information she wanted.
It was nice to not have pretend about it anymore, even if we still kept the details for ourselves.
When she was going to a student party, one with a theme of masquerade. One of her friends would dress as a rider. My daughter offered her friend to borrow a riding crop of hers and ask again the question of the riding crop. I said then that I still didn’t know where it was, but that she could borrow one from me. She laughed and asked if she really wanted to borrow of me, and the look said that she was referring to my and my husband’s interest in BDSM. I said she had to assess it herself, and so I gave here the rod, it was a red rod with black handle. At the end of the rod set a little black leather hand. She cracked up and said it would be a perfect fit. She guessed that her friend would run around and raise the rod to say – High five! So yes, she borrowed our red riding crop.
Today she knows fully well what we do and think that it is totally ok. She still hear won’t have to know the details, but will help me with shopping of clothing, and the like. When I going to a party, she will be happy give tips and ideas about the hairstyle and other fun stuff. We have an amazingly open relationship and I am so glad that it works so well. Regarding the relationship between her and her dad, it is neither talk about sex or BDSM, but they have lots of other things, they discuss if, instead.
I hope that she also gets a wonderful partner in the future. Also, perhaps children, and that they then can talk about everything so that she and I can. We get to see what life has to offer simply.