Written by: Meya, a professional psychologist, translation by: Profossgbg
In Sweden, until first of January 2009 were sadism and masochism psychological diagnosis as part of the Swedish version of International Classification of Diseases, version 10 (ICD-10)). But after instigation by among others the BDSM group within RFSU Stockholm sadism and masochism is no longer seen as psychological diagnosis.
In Sweden has more and more people shown an increased interest in BDSM, an example of this is the increase of member of darkside.se, from 2009 it went from about 30 000 to 137 000 in just a few years. BDSM has been seen more in popular media by books like Fifty Shades of Grey(even if that specific book gained a lot of criticism regarding its stereotype way to portray BDSM and not taking in account important norms like consent).
But even if the grip regarding BDSM has increased, still there are some myths remaining. Myths can be that that one who practice BDSM do because one is ill in some way, submissive people just can’t handle saying no since no one really want to be exposed to the thing a submissive person strives after. That BDSM hurt relationships men builds an emotional distance between the parts in a relationship.
We who practice BDSM have viewed these myths repeatedly and learned that practitioners of BDSM instead seems to thrive by their sexual orientations, that they rather create an emotional depth regarding intimacy and closeness. And we know that some of us actually think that dominance or a god beating by a cane is some of the better things in life!
Neither is there any scientific research that implies that BDSM is linked to bad health in any way. In a large study in Australia published in The journal of sexual medicine a few years back, it stated that people who practice BDSM does not feel better or worse than others, the only difference stated was that male BDSM
In addition, BDSM is pretty common, many think, for example, to use a blindfold, pin down each other or playing with dominance and submission in other ways when they have sex, perhaps without even thinking of that also can be counted as BDSM. From such a small, simple means that for many works as a spice in your sex life, then we can imagine a sliding scale, that goes all the way up to BDSM as a part of a person’s everyday life and lifestyle.
Here are also many different ways to exercise, and while blindfold and a silk scarf around your wrist might seem cosy for many, there are other types of activities might feel more awkward. It is understandable that people who are not used to a bit rougher types of BDSM may wonder if it really is good to let one party in a relationship to decide over the other, or to have activities that aim to evoke feelings of shame and degradation.
On the other hand we sometimes meet with descriptions of BDSM sessions that have not worked well or where it is really not at all concerned about BDSM but about abuse and ill-treatment, for example, in connection with the trials. It is then easy to get a distorted picture of how BDSM works. The millions of sessions that take place in the consent and that will be good for both parties to be exercised in silence.
Considering how BDSM is often produced, it can be easy to get the notion that BDSM is ”ok” and ”normal” up to a certain point, while anything beyond that is too much or even ”perverse”. Instead of making such a distinction, which can be very arbitrary, I want to strike a blow to instead see to the torch of practice ‘ function for those who exercise.
Of course, there may be times when BDSM may be something destructive, as with most sources of enjoyment and well-being we humans have access to, but it is not in the activity itself but how it is used. If you are wondering the face of someone’s BDSM-performers: Seems the person feel good, to practice BDSM in the way of the hen do? Seems exercise be driven by a desire to feel good and do something that feels right, rather than to escape something else Feel other good exercise together with person? Allow the exercise to the person, and the other that of the hen exercise together with, to live their lives the way they want to? If the answers are yes, there is probably nothing to worry about!
Sometimes I hear people say that BDSM is ok as long as it is about the ”mentally healthy” individuals, and no mental illness is involved. The idea is understandable, but from the functional point of view becomes the groundless. I can compare it to another type of activity, for example running. For many, running is simply a fun hobby, for some it becomes a lifestyle, and for some, running is a way to manage their own mental health and reducing anxiety and depression. We who work in healthcare think of course that it is excellent. Who would say that running is only for those who already feel good and to people who are troubled by feelings of anxiety should address their mental illness first, before they go out running.
However – if the person goes over their limits and will eventually damage the body in their training, or put so much emphasis on training to others in life and stand back over a long period of time, then it can be a problem. But the problem is not about the person runs, but how they do it and what the consequences are.
In the same way, we can see in the exercise of BDSM – what causes it for the individual? It seems to lead to something that will be good for her over time, or are there elements that seem to lead to anything less good?
If the exercise of BDSM gives a greater zest for life, vitality, intimacy, or anything else that is of value – then perhaps it is just absolutely amazing!